Catching the Vision of Motherhood.

Today has been a wonderful mother's day. I think the best part for me was one of the talks in sacrament meeting on "catching the vision of motherhood." The message was so simple and yet one that I too often forget in day-to-day life. In her talk, this sweet mother of a beautiful little baby girl admitted to feeling inadequate, even insecure in the decisions she has made as a mother. She has often felt judged for things like not choosing to make her own baby food, or use cloth diapers, or cook a meal every night for her family. And yet deep down she knows, and we all know, these are not the things that define us as mothers.

What WILL the judgement for us be as mothers? How many arts and crafts projects we did with our children? The cleanliness of our bathrooms? Whether or not our children eat their vegetables? Certainly not. We will be judged on how well we taught our children the gospel, how well we instilled values, and if we did the best we could--whatever that is for each of us.

I often find myself caught in the trap of feeling like the decisions I have made with my husband for our family are not good enough. In child development there is a level of development where an imaginary audience is created--and always judging. The child (typically teenager) will feel like EVERYONE saw them trip on the stairs and is laughing as they text their friends about it. Not so. Maybe one or two people saw and they probably feel badly more than anything. Well, in my mommy development I feel like I have created my own imaginary audience. I make a decision and WHAM! I feel like I am being judged left and right, even when I may not be. So on this day of mothers, I am making a new resolution. I want to rid myself of this mommy guilt and feeling of judgement. My goal for the upcoming weeks and months is to make decisions, to not feel badly, and to not feel the need to justify what I feel is good for my family.

My hope is that with some practice I can simply be more focused on my family and our goals and not what other people may be doing or thinking. This will sweeten my relationship with everyone around me and will allow me more energy for this wonderful profession of motherhood.

Here is to another year of being a mommy and another year of striving to improve. Happy Mother's Day.